The Middle Time
by Alsike
Summary: Once upon a time a princess selfishly killed herself and a world was destroyed.  This is what came after.  The sequel to The Beginning, which is not entirely done.  It probably can stand alone though it may be slightly confusing without the context.
1. Chapter 1

Setsuna hadn't imbibed to this extent since Earth became habitable. But it was Usagi and Mamoru's engagement party, and it was so strange to be here, so strange, so wrong almost, to be celebrating, when all she could see was that last party, where she took his hand and the world burned.

But it was different here- she kept trying to remind herself- people were different here. She stood in the corner of the room and watched the party, watched all these young women who considered her a friend, a confidant, a guide. But she could never forget that these girls were the ones who had taken everything from her. They had taken her light.

But they weren't the same. Even at a glance she could see that. Their old selves hung superimposed over their images, and then dissolved. Minako, the way Setsuna would always remember her, standing in the palace courtyard, her clothes torn and stained, blood streaked across her face and hands, her eyes as hard as diamond. That was the Minako she knew, the one who had been forged in fire, who had been ready to kill a thousand innocent men if it meant she could save one of her own. This girl, hair splashing about as she jumped up and down holding Usagi's hands, in her pretty pink dress, so happy, so impossibly happy for her best friend. No, this girl was not Minako, and perhaps that was a good thing. The world had changed, and the mode of battle had changed, and maybe this time they could win it.

The girl who was not Minako had no real pain. Her heart was tied up in Usagi, even though when the excitement faded she glanced over her shoulder to see what Rei's reaction would be. There was no way it could be the same, no way at all.

Setsuna almost laughed when looking at Rei, her eyebrow arched in sarcastic disapproval. No they were not the same, just to think of the barbarian princess, crouched and savage, so like a wild animal that it would not seem strange for her to be foaming at the mouth in the same room as the sharply intelligent, poised and cultured priestess- the only thing they had in common was their silence, their silence that seemed to speak words.

Even Ami was joining in the fun today, looking fetching in her new blue dress that left her shoulders daringly bare. She was smiling, though she still seemed a little tense in a room with so much noise and happiness. Something in the corner caught Setsuna's eye, and she looked, meeting the blank gaze of a blue-haired girl who sat on the window seat with her computer on her knees. The vision faded, but not before Ami's eyes, the real Ami's eyes, not this girl who was slowly peeking out of her shell and shining with innocence, the real Ami's eyes shone dark and empty- soulless- as they should be. How else was one supposed to look after one's heart had been sucked out? Setsuna wondered why no one could see it in her eyes, though perhaps it had come to be replaced by the tiredness of never-ending life.

Setsuna couldn't even feel her chest clench up in anger like it usually did when she looked at Makoto. This girl was cutting the cake, smiling hesitantly at Mamoru who was assisting, gentle, nervous. There was nothing about her, nothing in her, that was the same as the cool, harsh, arrogant player who had instigated the crisis that destroyed the Empire. Nothing- until she stood up straight, and there, in the set of her shoulders-

Setsuna winced. Makoto had looked over at her and gestured that the cake was ready and she should come have a piece. They were not the same. And even though this Makoto was entirely guileless, this girl had never had a boyfriend, much less seduced three girls in two days, this girl had never gutted a manticore, her arms to the elbow in its intestines- even so, Setsuna hated her for a moment, and then hated herself for that.

She went over to the table and took a piece of cake, thanking Makoto politely, and hoping that she didn't sound too cool- cooler than the way she treated the others at least. It was getting late and Michiru was on the sofa with Hotaru curled up asleep in her lap. Haruka bringing her some cake and then feeding it to her piece by piece so they wouldn't disturb Hotaru. Setsuna decided not to mention that when Haruka lost her balance trying to lick some icing off of a reluctant Michiru's face and fell on her lap, everyone would know that Hotaru wasn't very happy at being squished. But she didn't mention it, distracted.

Haruka and Michiru- those two- they were the same, well, almost. Perhaps they didn't have the memories, not all of them. They could not quite understand their love of their home planets. Haruka did not remember her bond to Minako and Michiru to Rei and it was just as well. But they had been tempered by their experiences in this life. They had chosen duty over love many times and then finally love over duty. Setsuna thought that if Haruka and Michiru had survived- if they had won, if things had been different, if so many things had been different, they would have been like they were now.

Ooops, there Haruka went, and Hotaru woke and began crying. Michiru thwacked Haruka on the back of the head, and started comforting Hotaru. It was time for them to go, and they made their excuses. Michiru asked Setsuna what she intended and she said something regarding helping clean up, it wasn't all that important. She had her own car, and she never looked like she was drunk.

After they left, the party started wrapping up on its own. Rei had an early morning ahead, and congratulated Usagi for the last time. Ami departed as well, and Makoto collected her dishes and took them home to clean.

Mamoru looked hesitant, but said his male friends had invited him out for a stag night- one of many to come, Setsuna supposed, and Usagi let him go. Minako was not far behind, looking soft in the eyes and a little tired.

Usagi grinned at Setsuna before sighing dramatically.

"Well, you did say you'd help clean up, so chop, chop- lets go."

It wasn't as bad as Setsuna had expected. There were a few glasses to wash, and some decorations to put away, but she found that if she moved slowly the room didn't spin.

When finished she sat down at the kitchen table with another glass of wine and stared at Usagi's back as she finished the dishes.

When Usagi turned around, wiping her hands on the dishtowel, she was quiet and looked calm, her eyes steady and dark. Her mouth was taut with some not too pleasing thought and she looked more like her mother than she ever had- her real mother, not the mother of this human shell. She glanced at Setsuna and then at the glass in her hand, and seemed a little confused.

Setsuna wondered what about her was making her look drunk. She sat as straight and as steady as always. Her face bore no expression. Then Usagi smiled softly and slid into the seat across the way. Setsuna could almost feel affection in that smile, and it made the hole where her heart had been hurt.

"You look so much like your mother." The words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them, and surprise shone in Usagi's face.

"Really? I mean, people have been saying the opposite-"

"Not _her_." Setsuna's voice was sharper than she would have liked. "No, I mean…"

"Oh," Usagi said softly. There was something in Setsuna's face that made the words so strong, such an honor really. "I- what was she like?"

Setsuna seemed surprised at the question, but then she smiled. Her eyes though, were not looking at anything in this room. They were probably not looking at anything in this time.

"She was… beautiful. And strong- god, she was so much stronger than I thought she was. So much stronger than I thought she could ever be." Then she laughed, and Usagi nearly jumped in surprise. "You take after her you know, more than _she_ did."

There was venom in her tone when she spoke the last part.

"What? Who do you mean?"

"You, not you. Ugh, you know, _her_." Setsuna pouted, not being able to find a way to communicate the idea clearly.

"The princess?"

Setsuna suddenly looked like a weight had been lifted. "Yes- yes, the princess."

"What do you mean I'm more like her? I'm," she glanced down embarrassedly, "such a klutz. I'm not beautiful or noble or graceful-"

Setsuna was looking at her with hard eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Well," Usagi looked nervous, "Well, I mean, in the memories- I don't have many, but there are some. You know, the ice skating. She was really good at ice skating and I can't even stay on my own two feet."

"Makoto taught her that." The words did not match her tone.

"Oh."

"Don't be jealous of her. You have your own skills. You care about other people. No matter how charming she was, that was something she could never quite get a handle on." Setsuna looked angry and tired. "No, she was far more selfish than you in the end."

"I- I don't know what to say. None of us know much about our past lives, we- we don't remember."

Setsuna snorted.

"We wonder sometimes though- we wonder who we were, and what we were like."

Setsuna gave a sharp eye-roll. "Different."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Usagi let a slow smile cross her face. "How different?"

"Very."

"Well you're forthcoming today."

Setsuna scowled, and Usagi couldn't really help it, she smiled. It was so cute to see her like this, the all-knowing guardian of time drunk and pouting like an eight year old.

"Don't look at me like that?"

Usagi pretended to look surprised, not very effectively because Setsuna just scowled deeper. Suddenly the look on Setsuna's face broke and her eyes opened and her face cleared and there was an expression of innocence and hope that Usagi had never seen before. She froze at the sight of it, and when Setsuna's hand slipped across her cheek and she leaned close, so close that she could feel her breath as it brushed past her ear, she couldn't move at all.

"You're so like her, you know, so much, and I think that maybe you're her, you could really be her, and not, not that one, but…"

Usagi's eyes had flickered shut at the words murmured so close to her ear. She had been holding her breath, and when Setsuna's lips gently brushed against hers everything released.

Setsuna was still looking clumsy and longing when she pulled away, and Usagi let her fingers linger on her arm. She had never had a kiss as gentle as that before.

"Are you okay?" Usagi gently touched her under the chin.

Setsuna nodded, but staring at the ground as if ashamed. "I should go."

"No. I don't care what you say. You aren't well enough to drive."

Setsuna traced the grain of the wooden table.

"Please stay."

She nodded, and Usagi sighed.

-

It was late, nearly four when Usagi slipped out of bed and walked towards the door. She hadn't been able to sleep well in the big double bed all alone, not after that, not when all she could think about was the tenderness and aching pain of Setsuna's lips touching her own, and of what it meant.

Her memories of the Silver Millennium were few and weak, often images without emotion. Ice skating, dancing, the earth floating in the sky- there was nothing important, not even a moment with her mother, her lover, her friends… But Setsuna's voice had been so hard, so angry when she spoke of her, of the princess- maybe she was better off not knowing. Still she felt as if she had been kept in the dark, told all these generalizations. She didn't know the story, she didn't know what had happened, and what ever it was, she didn't want to leave Setsuna to be the one to carry it all alone.

The moon had set and the house was pitch black, but she knew the way into the living room, carefully testing the path with her toes to make sure she didn't step on anything and fall. The living room was lighter, and she paused for a moment to see Setsuna stretched out on her stomach on the foldout sofa, so still she could have been dead.

When she came closer, Usagi could see the gentle rise and fall of her back as she breathed. She sat down on the bed next to her and let her thumb run across her thick dark hair.

Setsuna shifted almost imperceptibly under her touch. She made a low sound in her throat and mumbled something that sounded a bit like, "what are you doing up?" so Usagi let her hand rest behind Setsuna's ear and whispered, "couldn't sleep."

Setsuna's hand groped around for her waist and once caught, used it to try and pull Usagi down. She resisted at first, but then grinned a little. She shouldn't kid herself, this was why she had come out here for the first place, for just a little company. She slid into bed beside Setsuna and held her the way she was being held. The seething mass of questions faded from her mind and she let herself sink into slumber in the warm embrace.

-

Of course the next morning was unbelievably awkward. Waking up to Setsuna staring at you as if you had suddenly started wearing a tiger striped bikini with doc martens and running around shouting 'I am the king of the world- bring tribute of luscious young maidens so I may eat them!' was never going to be a fun experience, and Usagi just groaned at her expression and pulled the covers up over her head.

Setsuna got out of bed and started moving around making noise. Usagi didn't pull the covers down from over her head until she could smell food cooking in the next room. She padded over across the rug in her bare feet and wondered where she had left her slippers the night before. Setsuna was at the stove, stirring something thick in a saucepan while another bubbled on the next burner over.

"What are you making?"

Setsuna looked at her, she looked tired and her eyes were sort of bloodshot, but she looked sad mostly. Usagi hoped that she hadn't managed to make it worse for Setsuna, she knew about fractured hope.

"Make tea- black, please."

Usagi nodded and set about filling the hot water machine and re-boiling it, then digging the small container of black tea out from under the sink, and spooning some into the bottom of the teapot. The hot water machine made a popping noise and she filled the pot. Leaving it on the counter she went to watch Setsuna who gave her a sharp look and said, "get bowls."

Usagi pouted but went to the cupboard. She debated picking out her favorite rabbit patterned bowls but then looked at Setsuna's back, she probably wasn't in the mood to deal with her childishness right now. She took two regular ones instead and brought them over. Setsuna lifted a rice paddle up with a small clump of whatever was in the second saucepan and pointed it at Usagi.

"Try it."

Usagi ate the proffered sample.

"Ah- good!" it was rice, but it had been cooked in something besides water, maybe milk, though there were definite hints of coconut as well.

"Is it done?"

Usagi nodded and debated on trying to sneak a little more, but Setsuna started scooping the rice into the bowls and then poured the contents of the other pan over them. It was thick and golden, clear like honey, though a bit darker. Setsuna rooted around until she found two Chinese-style spoons, stuck them in the bowls, and handed one to Usagi. Then she stalked off to the table and sat ungracefully, her legs folding too quickly under her. Usagi watched her for a long moment, trying to read her, trying so hard. Setsuna gave her another of her patented sharp looks, and Usagi meekly came to the table.

The flavor was like nothing she had ever had before, and yet was familiar. The golden sauce was honey, but it had been richly spiced, cloves and cinnamon, and something else she couldn't quite place, maybe cumin? It was a strange flavor. The rice was rich and delicious, but not sweet, the sauce provided the sweetness and the sharpness that countered the soft milky taste of the rice.

She saw Setsuna watching her eat and froze. It was only her eyes that betrayed her, only her eyes which showed the haunted pain that had risen to the surface. Everything else was the same as ever. Usagi wondered if she had suddenly become able to read Setsuna better than she had before, if these emotions had always been in her eyes, and she had just never looked close enough to see.

She thought about kissing her again, but no, she had already hurt her too much by being too like her, by stepping into her place. Usagi bent her head and returned her attention to the food.

"This is amazing," she said softly, "what's it called?"

Setsuna laughed roughly. "Rice pudding, I guess. She never called it that. It was always Setsuna's Amazing Hangover Remedy to her. It wasn't made with rice though, but this is as close as I can get with only terrestrial ingredients." Then she chuckled again. It was making Usagi nervous. "Not that rice is originally terrestrial. It was imported in from Neptune, mm, so long ago."

Something hurt about the way she spoke. Usagi didn't know why it hurt, except that she had separated them again. There wasn't even the "your mother" that gave them a connection. She was just Usagi again, and she didn't want to think about why it felt so strange, why she felt as if she had lost something now that Setsuna had stopped looking at her like- like she had before.

She left not long after. The redness gone from her eyes, looking as pressed and as put together as always, even in yesterday's clothes. Mamoru came stumbling in a few minutes after she had gone, smelling like beer and wincing as if the light made his head throb. He came into the kitchen and looked at the pans still left out on the stove.

"Hey, that looks good, can I have some?"

"No." The word was out of her mouth before Usagi had even thought about it. "I mean, no, it didn't turn out. I'll make you something else."

Mamoru nodded and went into the bedroom. Usagi stood over the trash ready to scrape the rest of the rice into it. She was angry in a way she didn't understand. But she couldn't do it and finally put it all away in containers in the refrigerator and made Mamoru some of the oatmeal he had developed a taste for in America. When she brought it into him, he was already asleep, so she left it on the bedside table and went out into the living room. The sofa bed was still out and mussed from sleep. She crawled back in and buried her head in the pillow looking for comfort, but not finding any in the scent of Setsuna's hair left on the pillow, yet there she stayed.


	2. Dreams

Fog clung to the top of the stairs to Hikawa Jinja and clung to Minako's skin as she passed through in the grey light of the early morning. She shivered a little; the running shorts and t-shirt she wore weren't enough for the fall morning, now that she had stopped jogging. Her hair was lashed back in a ponytail. She had started out with a braid, but glanced into the mirror and saw someone who she didn't recognize as herself and quickly pulled it out again. Her tennis shoes made only a soft rustling sound on the stone walkway, but Rei still glanced up from where she was down on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor of the shrine porch. The sleeves of her dogi were tied behind her back and her hakama were up to her knees. Her long black hair was bound loosely and slid over her shoulder, hanging down towards the ground. The crouch that she was in made Minako freeze and something in her chest lurch, but as she straightened up Minako was able to relax.

"Another dream?" Rei's voice was as soft as the mist that still clung to the pillars of the jinja.

Minako gave a half nod.

"You're sure they're-" She didn't voice the words, but they both understood.

"I am."

"We should-"

"No!"

Rei stepped into her geta and walked over to Minako. It was so strange that this was real, Minako couldn't help thinking, that she had grown three inches in the last two years and she was taller than Rei now. It was wrong in a way, as if the dreams were coming true, the dreams that had started two years before. She felt stupid; she had only realized that they were Silver Millennium dreams a few months ago- but how was she supposed to know? They were nothing like what she had assumed the Silver Millennium had been, but they had been so moving, so real. She had woken up crying when her dream mother had died. She had never done that before, and it was awful. The words sounded tender and romantic, but it hurt, it hurt to suddenly have the buzzing unreality of a dream turn into real sobs, sobs that knocked her awake and made her eyes ache and her body shudder with involuntary jerks.

She had taken to the early morning jogs to push the memories out of her head. It didn't always work. On the days it didn't work she came here.

"Minako-"

Rei was standing right in front of her, and she had zoned out again. Rei looking at her like that didn't help. Her serious and worried expression wasn't quite the uncomprehending serious gaze of her dream, but it was close- and god, she was okay. Minako ran her fingers across Rei's cheek and felt Rei tense under her touch.

"I'm glad you're okay."

Rei's eyes flashed with hurt for a sudden surprising moment before blacking out. Minako stared at her, but Rei had shut down like she did so easily, cut out any ability to read her emotions on her face. She turned away, but Minako caught her shoulder then wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in Rei's hair that fell in front of her shoulder.

"I don't-" she murmured, "I don't think you understand how happy I am that you're alive."

She felt Rei's fingers brush past her ear, and wondered at the delicacy of the body she held. She was strong, she could tell that, from just the unending physical labor required by the shrine, but the muscles she remembered from her dream were thicker, they felt sturdy, oak-like, while this Rei was a birch. She thought about the gash opening up Rei's stomach and was impossibly glad that it wasn't her Rei who was injured like that. She didn't think the girl in her arms could have survived it.

She hadn't really noticed how her hands were sliding across Rei's back and pressing into various muscles for comparison purposes until Rei stiffened again. Minako released her slowly.

"Look- I really need to-" Rei gestured expressively towards the cleaning supplies abandoned on the porch.

"Can I-"

Rei nodded. "You know where the extra outfits are."

Minako went and changed. As usual things were unutterably awkward between them. God, and she hadn't even mentioned the fact that they'd kissed twice in her dreams. She really didn't feel like making things even worse. But it was so funny- to look at her- and see that girl who she had admired so much in high school. She had been so desperate for anything, she just wanted Rei to notice her. She had always been the one she wanted to be closest to, but she was still the one she felt like she knew the least. She was too quiet, too reserved. She never spoke about her family, she never told her anything important.

Minako laughed to herself as she started to sweep the steps. It was funny how things reflected. In her dreams Rei never spoke either, never told her anything important, but it was obvious anyways, obvious that all the anger, all the tangled emotions- the kiss, the heart-wrenching kiss- It made things easier somehow. She saw it in the past and she could see it now, all that admiration, that complicated confusing affection that she could not control- she was in love with her, and Adonis had been right, she could never do anything about it, because it was always going to be duty first.

"So what happened this time?"

Rei sat on the top step and started cutting out some paper streamers.

Minako bit down on her bottom lip, trying to restrain her happiness at just the interest that that action displayed. She thought back to the dream that she had had that night and laughed a little. "It was out first training mission- complete and utter disaster."

Rei grinned.

"Don't smile! You were nearly a casualty of Luna's incompetence."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. You're lucky I saved your life."

"You did? Honestly."

"I did!" Minako waved the broom at her. "I mean, the only reason you needed your life saved is because you protected me in battle."

"You always get me into trouble."

Minako shrugged, agreeing that this was probably the case. "I just wish I knew why I was getting these dreams."

"You really don't think we should tell Luna?"

"No- It's strange, I- I don't trust her. These memories, god they hurt, but they're the truth. I finally feel like I know the truth for myself. I think Luna may have been lying to us."

"About what?"

About how we were supposed to have loved the princess above all else, Minako thought, but didn't say. "I don't know."

Rei nodded and then looked down at her streamers. They stayed quiet for a long time.

When Minako left Rei returned to the shrine and sat quietly in the fire room, not meditation, just staring far off into the flickering mirages of the flame. Why was this happening? Why was it happening now? Minako had always had more memories than the others, but these were so different. Perhaps they were purposefully repressed? Minako seemed to think it was for some nefarious reason, but every time she came- Rei couldn't forget the first time she showed up on the stairs to the shrine. Her whole body was covered in sweat as if she had run for miles trying to get the memories out of her head, but her face was streaked with tears, and when she saw Rei standing there on the porch, she crumpled. Rei hadn't even been able to hold her to comfort her. She had put a hand on her shoulder, and even then the throbs of feeling were too strong. She wasn't an empath, she had never had that power, but just a touch had opened all of the desperate pain that resonated too sharply with Rei. Yet even with that first failure at comfort, Minako had kept coming back when the dreams were too much to take. It wasn't a good thing for her to be remembering this much; it hit her too hard. Emotions made you weak, and these emotions were so strong, and yet clearly being forced upon her by some outside source. There was danger coming, but the fire stayed silent.

Even so, Rei liked to hear about how it had been back then. No matter how tortured Minako seemed after some of the dreams, as she was today, betrayed by the strength with which she had held Rei close, she could always retell the memories humorously. And the laughter that she shared helped push away the terror left from the nightmares that Rei had been having, dreams of fire and darkness, pain and the screams of animals, of death- the growing fear of inescapable death.

Rei's hand drifted over to her shoulder where Minako's hand had clasped. It was so hard to deal with her sometimes. She was just too physically affectionate. Rei grimaced as that thought crossed her mind. Of course that wouldn't have been the case if she had had a real family, if her mother hadn't died, or if her father had cared, even a little bit. It was just- she was so rarely touched, and when it happened, she couldn't stop herself from feeling so much. She felt so much- and it hurt, it hurt to be held like that, when she believed that it was so important, and she knew Minako thought of it as merely something appropriate to do between friends.

Rei's head fell, she no longer looked into the flames, just held her head in her hands and closed her eyes, letting herself remember for one moment at least, how Minako had held her and told her that she was so glad that she was alive, so glad.

Luna had called a meeting for that afternoon. Things were not looking all that good, and the girls had been somewhat lax lately what with everyone preparing for college entrance exams (except for Ami who had entered the year before) and the engagement and the rest. Somehow she was terribly glad she had finally scheduled a meeting. There was something off about the group. Something was wrong.

Minako wouldn't meet her eye today. Rei sat hunched over in the corner, unable to communicate with anyone, and the crouched position of her shoulders with her tucked up knees made Luna shudder. She was so glad to have this Rei, one who didn't wear boots, one who was calm and controlled and not a violent barbarian, but occasionally their ways of acting were similar, and every time Luna wanted to cringe.

Usagi herself was not acting as usual. She looked pensive and Luna wondered if the cold feet about the wedding had set in already. For god's sake, they hadn't even set a date yet!

Even Makoto was worrying Luna. She hadn't cooked anything for this meeting, and she was wearing a leather jacket and tatty blue jeans that Luna hadn't seen before. She was also fidgeting as if there was somewhere else she had to be.

Ami was the only one acting normally. Luna smiled when she saw her nose buried in a book, that was her darling reliable Ami. Then she noticed the title and felt slightly confused, since when was Ami interested in modern reinterpretations of traditional art forms? Finally Luna shrugged to herself, she was in college, who knew what these college students were studying nowadays.

"So, there has been increasing youma activity in nearby areas, Artemis is not yet sure if this is a sign of a new enemy, but I feel that we may need to institute regular patrols to make sure there are no civilian casualties, and keep an eye out for any new threat, is that clear?"

The response was minimal.

"Any questions?"

No one spoke.

"Shall we set up a rota?"

"I want to be with Rei." Minako's voice was cold and swift and Luna turned her head sharply to look at her. She was too hard these days, too much like the girl who had taken control away from Luna, who had led her team repeatedly into danger, often returning injured with little to show for it. Her unhealthy obsession with Rei was another worrying parallel.

"I'm not sure if that will balance-"

Minako's eyes were sharp and cold and Luna nearly jumped.

"Why, of course, that should be fine? How do you feel about Monday-Wednesday-Friday? Ami and Makoto? Can you handle Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday? Usagi? Monday-Thursday-Sunday, with me. Is that good for everyone?"

There was general nodding. Makoto looked a little sick. It was better that way, with those tough-girl clothes she looked a little too like her own former self, a little too masculine, and one cross-dressing type was enough for any group of girls Luna was in charge of.

Then Usagi spoke, completely out of the blue, and in a voice she seemed to have discovered after dying for the last time when fighting Galaxia, a calm one, full of serious emotion.

"Luna? Do you remember the past life?"

Suddenly she had sharp attention from Minako and Rei and curious attention from the other two. Luna was shocked by the question, why now? What was happening now?

"Wh- why yes, I do."

"Was I- was I a terrible person?"

Now no one was merely curious.

"Why are you asking, princess?"

Usagi looked hurt and almost angry. "Don't call me that! Don't call me the princess when I don't even remember what I was like as her. All I know is that I killed myself, that's it. I killed myself and I did something to make Setsuna hate me. God-"

"She didn't hate you," Minako said softly, before she thought about it. "She kind of seemed like a second mom."

Luna stared at Minako. Usagi did as well. Rei looked surprised.

Usagi nodded slowly. "That makes sense. She was my mother's lover. But I must have done something-"

No one was paying attention past the second sentence. Luna squealed in shock. Minako's breath caught in her throat. Rei tensed, her shoulders pulling up to her neck. Makoto choked on a piece of gum and Ami turned bright red.

"How- how do you know this?" Luna gasped.

"You're not denying it," Rei said very quietly.

Usagi looked at her guilelessly. "Setsuna told me. I asked."

Minako grinned to herself and shook her head. "God, I am such an idiot."

"It wasn't-" Luna paused, "It wasn't _like_ that. They were just… very close."

Usagi giggled. "Um, I don't think so." And then she smiled to herself coyly, hesitantly brushing her thumb across her lower lip, and then biting the nail.

Minako watched the way she touched her mouth and clenched her hands, not sure what to say, or what to ask. "It was different then, though," she said softly, "It wasn't such a big deal. Not like it is here." Her eyes flicked over to Rei who was staring at her with something akin to horror on her face. She looked swiftly away. "Look, if you guys want to stay and gossip, great. But I need to bail. I have- something- volleyball-"

Minako quickly got to her feet, swung her bag onto her shoulder and ran out of the room. Luna frowned. That girl had always been trouble.

Makoto pulled out next. "Yeah, I'm going too. Later."

Usagi looked confused at the retreating backs of the girls. "Doesn't, doesn't everyone want to know about what happened then?"

"No," Rei said sharply, "It doesn't matter what happened in that life. It doesn't matter who we were or who we loved. We're different people now, and we have to make our own lives for ourselves."

"I entirely agree," said Luna. "In the end, those girls were not successful in their mission, what could you learn from them?"

Usagi nodded slowly, and Rei looked away. But Ami spoke in a quiet voice that seemed to not be related to the conversation, just a quote, an occurence in her reading.

"Those who do not learn from History's mistakes are bound to repeat them."

This was the first time Rei hadn't heard her coming. She looked up from where she was sweeping the path and Minako was there, staring at her, her eyes had taken on the desperate cast that they had been wearing since she had started coming here with the dreams. But this time there was something more in them, a deep aching pain, a sense of loss. Her hair was tied back in a braid, and the way she was standing. There was something indescribably beautiful about her today, about her on the morning when she remembered her loss of innocence.

"I killed someone."

Rei nodded.

"H-how did you-"

"Your eyes say it."

Suddenly Minako fell to her knees and slammed her hand against the pavement. "Why me? Why am I alone in this? Why am I remembering so much? God, I remember his eyes, he saw me at the end. He looked at me. He saw me and I- Not that you would ever understand. You can't even see the difference between humans and animals."

"I'm not her." Rei's voice was sharp and definite. "Don't even _think_ that."

Minako looked up and stared at her, seeing the face that she had only ever seen calm, annoyed or sarcastic when directed at her, as angry, really honestly angry.

"This is your problem. They aren't us. They are never going to be us. We have their powers, their names, their duty, but we are not the same people. And you have to remember that, or you'll lose yourself."

She was so angry, almost quivering with restraint, her fists clenched, her body hard and straight. Her skin was ice pale, and her hair, coming out of its tail, sliding raggedly over her face. Minako could see her bent over, panting, curling in on the wound in her gut that was betraying her, and looking at her, looking with eyes so open, angry, angry at herself, and begging, begging for someone to save her pride.

Minako rose to her feet in one step, her hand slid around Rei's jaw and caught it. She ignored the flaming terror in her eyes and kissed her.

There was little response, just lips pressing hard against lips, and the shaking in the body under her hand. Suddenly she was shoved off. Minako, stepped back into a stone basin and fell, skinning her leg on the sharp rock of the pavement.

Rei was looking at her as if she had been completely betrayed, and she had. Minako closed her eyes and curled into herself, ducking her head under the protection of her arms. She heard the clatter of a broom hitting the ground, footsteps, and the slam of a sliding door, and tried to decide whether or not to cry. God, had she lost herself already?


	3. Pure Hearts

Usagi knocked on the Outers' door. She needed answers and it looked like she had to go straight to the source. Luna was unhelpful. Minako kept changing the subject and looking tortured in a way that was completely unfamiliar. This was her last option.

The door flew open after she barely touched it and Setsuna was there in front of her, looking unbelievably gorgeous in a black shirt with loose gathered cloth across the front, and a forest green skirt.

"Finally! You're late. Hotaru's on a school trip and they're having one of their days again."

Usagi assumed that she looked as bewildered as she felt.

"Oh, are you leaving Setsuna?" Michiru was standing in the hall behind them, wrapped in a rumpled yukata, her arms on the inside holding it closed instead of through the sleeves. Setsuna glared at her.

"No you may _not_ move into the living room. I don't know when I'll be back and I am not intending on walking in on the two of you again."

Michiru just grinned in a way that made Usagi shudder. Setsuna caught her arm and pulled her out into the street, firmly closing the door and locking it. She started walking and Usagi had to hurry to catch up.

"So," she said, "one of 'their days' means they're spending the whole day in bed?"

Setsuna nodded, still scowling into the middle distance. "Unfortunately, they occasionally like a little variety and move onto the sofa. I thought it was going to be better since they stopped being teenagers."

Usagi grinned. "My mom always said that women don't hit their sexual peak until their thirties."

Setsuna finally looked at her, but with the expression that she'd like to kill her.

Usagi zipped her mouth and was quiet as she followed Setsuna down the next block, but she couldn't hold it in long.

"Are they different?"

Setsuna glanced over her shoulder and looked down at her, then seemed a little confused and looked farther up to meet her eyes. Minako wasn't the only one who had grown.

"No," she finally said. "It's a different situation, but- the people they chose to become are so similar."

"Pure hearts." Usagi shook her head derisively and Setsuna laughed.

"Come on." She tugged Usagi down a narrow alley. "There's a real Indian curry restaurant down here that I haven't been to in a while. Do you want lunch?"

"Always."

-

It was funny, Usagi thought after scraping her plate clean, ignoring Setsuna's amused expression, that being on a semi-date with someone she loved this much was so calming. People like Mamo-chan, or Haruka, even Seiya, they made her heart pound. Though Michiru had never tried to seduce her, she knew it would be the same way, and probably before yesterday it would have been the same with Setsuna, but after seeing Setsuna drunk and pouting and being natural in a way that she never had before, it was just easier. There was no terrifying thumping excitement, just a sort of happiness and a slow moving warmth that spread through her when they touched. It hadn't been like that earlier today, when she was working up the nerve to face down the senshi of time on her own turf, but finding her like that, annoyed, petulant and waiting for her- Setsuna had dropped the mask that she wore with the Inners, and Usagi understood now why her family loved her so much. How could you not love this Setsuna, not the impenetrable guardian of time, but a woman who could move past her pain and tease and laugh and look at Usagi in a way that was so focused, so centered, that she felt as if she was looking inside her soul.

Minako tossed and turned in her sleep. She could feel the memories rising up from somewhere deep in her mind, but she fought them.

"No! No! I don't want more; I don't want to be her- I can't-"

But in the end her unconscious was not strong enough to fight and she was pulled in, sucked into the darkness of a stormy night, her face soaked with sweat, and blood, so much blood.

The person who woke up the next morning was not Minako.


	4. Not Going to Plan

Luna frowned as she looked at the computer screen and tapped the mouse slightly with her paw. The situation was not looking up at the moment. Monday night had been a disaster. Minako and Rei had avoided making eye contact for the first fifteen minutes, then Luna had asked for a strategy decision about their patrol. Minako had replied and Rei had made a somewhat sarcastic noise as she finished. Minako asked what had been so wrong with her suggestion and Rei had remarked that she could never be at fault because she was so much more in touch with her past self who was _such_ a brilliant strategist that she had gotten them all killed. Then they continued to ignore each other for the next hour until Luna had had enough and called the fruitless search off early.

Minako had always had more memories of her past than the others. Artemis had made that decision and Luna had allowed it because she was his particular charge, but they had both understood the need to wipe the girls clean of the more troubling elements of their past. They had been too caught up in their own personal attachments and because of this they had not appropriately protected the princess, and they had failed. It was Luna's goal that in this life they all loved the princess above all. She had rethought that for a moment when she had first met Usagi, but it had turned out that she was very adept at winning people's affection on her own, despite the dubious merits of her personality.

It had all seemed to be going well too. Certainly there had been setbacks and unexpected foes, but the girls had displayed surprising ability and the powers that Queen Serenity had bestowed on them so long ago were changing and developing in surprising ways. These girls, with no military training, no gift of birth, not even an expectation that they would even think of fighting, had discovered uses and a depth of power that their predecessors had not even thought of. But- perhaps they had just not had enough time.

These girls, of course, understood that without their powers they were weak, socially and culturally that had been taught to them, while their predecessors hadn't needed any power to destroy a battalion of the black army besides that they held within their own hands. Artemis had wanted Minako to have a taste of that power, to at least have the desire to be able to fight and think in the way she once had. He had been so destroyed when he learned of her death. He had told Luna that she had yelled at him once, that she had wished to be stronger, that the coddling she had received as a princess had made her weak, and so, though Artemis wanted her to have the tactical ability she once had, he did not want her to regain the rest of her memories. even though, because of that, she would never be the girl he once knew.

Luna however had no such soppy ideas. Minako had been trouble from the start, and the way the girl had reacted to Rei on Monday- well, she hoped that she wasn't getting any _ideas_. The whole concept of destined love was quite a nice thing they had cooked up when they realized that the prince of Earth was also going to be reborn, and since the moon was no longer habitable, it was a way of ensuring that the line of the moon would still have a kingdom in this life. They had allowed Usagi to regain some of her memories of Prince Endymion, carefully edited of course, her feelings of misery and rejection were not ones that needed to last throughout the millennia. She had loved him, there was no real way to explain it all if that hadn't been the case, but love was just like any other emotion, a result of situation, chemicals, and experiences.

In the end, the Buddhists had the most accurate view of reincarnation, all that was passed on was destiny, to a degree- karma, in other words- there was nothing that made a person besides their experiences and their physiology. It was unfortunate that the powers Queen Serentiy had given the Senshi had fused with their identity, but that was how they worked, how they were able to develop along with the development of their owner, how they formed themselves into what was necessary for the situation. Their identities had been carefully suppressed for the most part, but they were in there, and that troubled Luna, the repressed memories were a time bomb waiting to go off. But even with the memories- there was no such thing as true love, as destined love. Even the memories of love are not enough to spark it again.

Luna frowned again as she watched the screen. The monitors that scanned Rei's sleeping form from the vantage of her dresser, where she had left her communicator, showed elevated heartbeat, REM, and stress-induced glandular activity. She was having another nightmare, and they had been occurring with alarming frequency over the last few months.


	5. Atsumori

It was the day from hell. Minako had woken up that morning at 6:05 with her mother screaming at her that she'd be late. She stumbled out of bed and around her room, trying to pull on some clothing that vaguely went together. She ended up with her uniform skirt, a loose white shirt with sleeves that widened towards her wrists, and leopard patterned low-heeled boots that she hadn't worn since the costume party at Usagi's last Halloween. She tied her hair back in a braid without even noticing and stumbled down the stairs to where her mother handed her a train ticket and pushed her out the door without any coffee or breakfast or anything except a snide look that said 'you're such a stupid child, you know you won't pass, just give it up and get married before your looks are gone.' Minako could read this look easily because she had seen it many times when her mother had been giving that same lecture verbatim. It hurt worse today than it had for a long time. It hurt because she had been rudely awakened that morning from a dream of a memory of her mother holding her in her lap and telling her stories based on the plots of Venusian ritual plays. This woman wasn't her real mother, she thought as she closed the door behind her, remembering that she had left her key in her room in the process and just not caring enough to face her again, her real mother had died thousands of years before, and it still hurt as if it had happened yesterday.

At the train station Minako checked the clock and saw that she had thirteen minutes before it came and bolted to a coffee shop. While she was picking up the coffee her train was called and she ran for it but the doors closed just as she reached the gate. Crashing into an older man she managed to spill her coffee over them both. He turned out to be a complete letch and said that he'd only forgive her if he came up on the roof with her and did him a sexual favor, obviously. She poured the half cup of coffee she had left into his face, and ran off into a women's bathroom while he stood sputtering and yelling. While wiping off her shirt as best as she could she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She stared for a while at her stained shirt and boots, and the braid. For a moment her sight blurred and she saw someone in boots up to the knees, and a shirt stained with blood and not coffee, and her head started to pound.

Minako flinched at the light when she stepped back into the station. Luckily the letch was gone and the next train was coming in. She got on found a seat, though the only one open was in a smoking car and was disgusting. She tried to cover her eyes with her handkerchief, but the noise from the announcements just made her headache worse. Finally, at the station she caught the wrong bus and rode for about fifteen minutes before realizing that she was headed the entirely wrong direction. She got off and ran, not bothering to try and find another bus. By the time she got there she was sweating all over from running in the humidity that had already taken over in the late spring, and the proctors were just closing the doors. She begged and begged and finally they let her in. Everyone looked at her when she was walking through the rows of desks to pick up her test and some of them laughed. She didn't want to take it. She wanted to turn and snarl at them, show her who she really was, that she wasn't just another high-school kid like them, that she wasn't a child, that she'd killed a man, killed plenty- Minako shook her head sharply. No, she hadn't, she needed to stop this, she needed to stop! She took the test and found a seat and opened it. The words swam before her eyes. Then the entire page was fading to black, what was it? What was happening? A youma?

Minako woke up to see her hand writing out the end of an essay question on classical Japanese. She wasn't moving it. She wasn't thinking these thoughts. It was the last question on the test and all the others were filled out.

_The play Atsumori is a very vivid depiction of the dichotomy between Art and War. The nobility of self-sacrifice for your lord cannot be overstated, but though your lord may have your loyalty and your life, he never owns your soul. After your death the mission fades in importance, what more can you give? Benkei as well gave his entire life to the mission, though he did not die. But after he fulfilled his duty to his lord he needed to fulfill his duty to himself, and beg forgiveness from those he had killed, those, like Atsumori, whom he had cut down before their true genius could be recognized._

"Time!" the proctor called, and Minako's hands closed the exam.

"Wait!" Minako wanted to cry, "It wasn't me who took the exam! I wasn't the one who wrote the answer about giving one's life for one's lord to a question regarding poetic devices!" But she didn't even have the power to move her mouth.

"You didn't think that was okay?" A voice asked in her head. It sounded like her, but strange, like how she sounded when thinking in English and trying to speak in Japanese. "The play reminded me a lot of Fenken, you know. Right?"

And Minako did know, she remembered sitting out on the hot sand watching the masked dancers as they danced the story of a young man who killed himself for love of one girl, and then in death, watching his best male friend weep at his grave and the girl move on, discover that his true love was his friend, his affection for the girl merely passion. He came and haunted his friend every night, when the friend would go out into the sand dunes and play the pipes into the dark and silent air. He used to play the drum for his friend, but now only the lonesome piping echoed through the sky.

"They're not really all that similar," Minako thought, and the voice laughed.

"I guess not, but we were never very gung-ho about loyalty to our lord on Venus. I don't think I ever really understood that- until I died for her. I suppose that's why the chose to have us reborn here. Everyone understands loyalty and responsibility in _Japan_."

"Venus? What are you doing here? What? Why-"

The voice was soft and sort of lonely. "I feel- I feel as if I just woke up."

"Your paper. Your paper!"

Minako jumped and suddenly realized that she was in control of her body again. She handed the proctor the paper with an apologetic look.

"Woke up? From what?"

"It felt like there was this heavy weight pressing me down, keeping me in a half fuzzy mental state. But it started to break down recently and I've been trying to get through. I remember you dreaming my memories right? I didn't imagine that?"

"No, no you didn't."

"So you're the girl I've been reincarnated into. I never thought I'd meet you. Yoroshiku ne."

"Ha- domo."

Venus laughed. "You sound completely panicked. Come on, lets get out of this place."

They walked to a café that was nearby and Minako went to the counter. In a short pause that confused the person behind the counter, she asked Venus' preference, and then ordered two coffees, one a latte and the other black with a shot of vanilla syrup and a lot of sugar. The employee was even more worried at this order, especially because it was not requested to go, but he eventually provided the requested drinks. Then Minako sat with the two beverages in front of her and made a serious expression at the door.


	6. Taste

"Come on," Usagi grinned across the table at Setsuna, "Mina-P said something totally incriminating before, she knows who she had a thing for back then, and I think I should too. It's not fair if everyone knows who I was with and I don't get to know about anyone else. I mean, you can't say that none of them ever had dates."

Setsuna raised an eyebrow, "You really cannot survive without gossip, can you?"

"Well," Usagi tried to look innocent, "no." But underneath her playful expression she was still watching Setsuna's eyes. Of course she wanted to know, but she also thought that if Setsuna could trust her with some of the less important things she might be more likely to tell her the painful ones.

"I really don't think I ought to tell you."

"Aww, I'm pretty sure it's a girl, so no surprise there." She tried to look ingratiating.

"No, no. It's up to them if they want to tell you."

"Them?" Usagi started to smile slowly, "You mean it _is_ one of us. Hah! So narrowed down!"

Setsuna looked nervous, but Usagi just grinned.

"So if you won't tell me about relationships, tell me more about food."

Rei woke up gasping for breath and holding tightly to her stomach. She felt her face slick and clammy with sweat and then her eyes unfocused. Pounding, blood, desperation, Minako, in front of her, just another few steps, she raised her hand and saw that it was slick with her own blood. Rei's stomach curled in on itself and she staggered to her feet. She started moving towards the bathroom, but with the movement her eyes widened and she cringed suddenly bolting, hand over her mouth, and then falling on the step down into the bathroom, crashing onto her knees and vomiting without control. She stared at her hands, clutching at the toilet seat. White fog seemed to be coming in and covering them, moving in slender curling tendrils. A sound like the buzzing of cicadas filled her ears. Why was everything so blurry?

"Please- safe-"

-

"Rei! Rei! Oh, please wake up-"

The floor was cold, but why was her grandpa yelling so much. Why was he here? Oh god, why was he here? It would kill him to see her like this.

"I- I'm okay, really, please, I'm okay."

He was staring at her. He looked so scared. She knew he had never really understood her, and the rift had just enlarged ever since she started lying to him about her superhero duties, but he loved her anyways, he may have been the only one.

"I think I have the flu or something," Rei tried to smile. "I was just so tired that I think I took a little nap here." I didn't pass out, she thought firmly at him, I can't let him know I passed out.

He helped her into bed and busily began cleaning up. Rei felt guilty, but lay back in bed and stared up at the ceiling. Why had it happened? Why had the dream chased her into reality? She felt it underneath, a seething heat dragging at her, fighting for control, but she couldn't let it in. She knew what happened, and there was no way she could let it take control.

"I like the way you like her."

Minako was a bit confused at that, and Venus laughed.

"You're just so, so sweet. I mean, I can see the tangly bits, but you're so innocent when you remember things like how she smiles and how she yells at you, you remind me of what I used to be like, before-" Venus grew silent and Minako slid the memories that she could see through her mind, then she found it.

"Oh, before you tried to kill her."

"It sort of put a crimp in things, it felt like, like I never knew anything about love, I never knew that it wasn't strong enough to save me and that it had the ability to completely destroy her… I didn't want a lieutenant or a bodyguard or- I just wanted to understand her, it's not something I ever got."

Minako let out a low gentle laugh. "Don't think I don't know what that's like."

"It's just, when she died for me, when she lay there, clenching my hand so tightly that I knew how much it hurt and looking at me- for the first time her eyes were clear and she was smiling, god even when I slept with her I had never seen her smile, and then here I realized that this was what she meant, that she hadn't ever been just a loyal subordinate, but that this was her goal, her fulfillment, and there was nothing in any world that she held higher than this- higher than me."

There were tears trickling down Minako's face and the coffee shop employee was watching suspiciously.

"I never had that clarity. I never understood how she could be so sure that protecting me was more important that the mission, but I could have survived us failing the mission, it would have been so easy to save us, to get us off of Earth before Beryl's armies came, and I would have done it without any shame. Yes the mission was important, but there's no point in dying when you've already failed without any hope of recovery. But there was no choice left after I lost her, lost before I even understood what I had, before we ever had a moment where I wasn't doubting and second-guessing and pushing her away. It was a good day for suicide."

Minako could feel the pain welling up and choked out her own sob.

"Why am I here? Why am I alive? I just wanted it all to be over when I finally found out that I had screwed everything up, lost everything I wanted for sake of a mission that was destined to fail. You said that you're the only one with the dreams, god I don't want to be here, not if I'm alone."

Mamoru sat on the chair in front of Usagi's vanity table in their bedroom. He had taken the four green stones from his pocket and set them in a row on the table. He looked down at them, his fingers slowly caressing the rough surface of one.

"I'm getting married," he said quietly.

He heard a chuckle, but not through his ears. The room was still silent, the laughter rang out inside his head. Mamoru looked up and in the mirror he could see them, Zoicite leaning against his back, stroking his hair, Jadite at his knee, watching him with a small smile through the mirror. Kunzite stood behind him, looking arrogant as always, not paying him any mind, and Nephrite, off to the side, his inescapable inferiority complex still in good form.

"I really can't believe you." It was Kunzite's drawl that echoed between his ears this time. "Allying yourself to the oppressor, again."

"Kunzite!" Jadite's voice was still young. "Really."

Zoicite cut in with his low laugh. "As if that little bunny could oppress anyone."

"Just don't forget," Nephrite's words were sharp, "you are the heir of Earth. She's the one marrying up this time."

Mamoru laughed a little. "Thank you."

"Don't forget-" Jadite clung to his leg. "We all love you more than she ever will."

Kunzite snorted. But Mamoru still smiled.


End file.
